How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

Summary

Every leader knows the experience. A team member who seems to have a complaint for every situation. The project plan is flawed. The deadlines are unrealistic. Leadership is out of touch. Sometimes even the coffee is wrong. One senior leader I coached described dreading their weekly team meeting because they knew a colleague would find fault with whatever was being discussed. Their instinct was to silence him or to fix the problems quickly to remove the noise. Neither approach worked. The cycle repeated, and the weight on the leader grew heavier. Then something shifted. Instead of pushing back, the leader asked a different question: “What would you like to see instead, and what part of that are you willing to take on?” The colleague paused. For the first time, he was invited not only to criticise but to imagine and own part of the solution. The dynamic began to change. This blog explores how leaders can reframe complaint. We will look at the impact of complaining, why people do it, how leaders can use inquiry to shift the conversation, practical tools that help, and reflection questions to build self-awareness. The impact of complaining Complaints are not harmless. They ripple across individuals, relationships, teams, and tasks. On the individual: For the complainer, the behaviour can become identity. If they are labelled as “the negative one,” others dismiss their contributions. Ironically, this often entrenches the behaviour. The less they feel heard, the louder they complain. On relationships: Complaints strain trust. Colleagues start to avoid the complainer or defend themselves. Conversations narrow into attack and defence, rather than curiosity and collaboration. On the team: A single persistent voice of negativity can set the tone. Will Felps’ research found that one consistently negative team member can reduce group performance by up to 40%. Teams become cautious, less likely to share ideas, and less willing to take risks. On the task: Complaints slow executio...