Why I Don't Need a Steam Machine

Summary

For those of you who are living under a rock, Valve announced three new hardware devices joining their Steam Deck line-up: a new controller, a VR headset, and the GameCube—no wait, GabeCube—no wait, Steam Machine. The shiny little cube is undoubtedly Valve’s (second) attempt to break into the console market. This time, it might just work. The hardware is ready to arrive in at your living room spring next year. The biggest question is: will it arrive at our living room? Reading all the hype has certainly enthused me (e.g. Brendon’s The Steam Machine is the Future, PC Gamer’s Valve is all over ARM, Eurogamer’s Steam Machine preview, ResetEra’s Steam Hardware thread); especially the part where the Machine is just a PC that happens to be tailored towards console gaming. According to Valve, you can install anything you want on it—it’s just SteamOS just like your trusty Deck, meaning you can boot into KDE and totally do your thing. Except that this shiny little cube is six times as powerful. I’m sure Digital Foundry will validate that next year. Valve's newly announced Steam Machine: a mysterious looking sleek black box. However, this post isn’t about specs, expectations, or dreams: it’s about tempering my own enthusiasm. I’d like to tell myself why I don’t really need a Steam Machine. The following list will hopefully make it easier to say no when the buy buttons become available. You’re a retro gamer. You don’t need the power of six Steam Decks. To do what, run DOSBox? Your TV doesn’t support 4K.Again, no need for those 4K 60 FPS. You generally dislike AAA games. With The Steam Machine, you might be able to finally properly run DOOM Eternal and all of the Assassin’s Creed games. That you don’t like playing. You don’t have time to play games anyway.Ouch, that hurts but it’s not untrue. The TV will be occupied anyway.The Steam Machine is not a Switch: you can’t switch to handheld mode. When are you going to play on the Machine if the TV is being used to watch your wife’s ...