Meta hiding $27B in debt using advanced geometry

Summary

28-Nov-2025 | 09:12 CSTFSG LLC (Flexible Standards Group)Analyst: Tom BellwetherContact Information: None available**Because of the complex nature of financial alchemy, our analysts live a hermetic lifestyle and avoid relevant news, daylight, and the olfactory senses needed to detect bullshit.Following our review of Beignet Investor LLC (the Issuer), an affiliate of Blue Owl Capital, in connection with its participation in an 80% joint venture with Meta Platforms Inc., we assign a preliminary A+ rating to the Issuer’s proposed $27.30 billion senior secured amortizing notes.This rating reflects our opinion that:All material risks are contractually assigned to Meta, which allows us to classify them as hypothetical and proceed accordingly.Projected cash flows are sufficiently flat and unbothered by reality to support the rating.Residual Value Guarantees (RVGs) exist, which we take as evidence that asset values will behave in accordance with wishes rather than markets.The Outlook is Superficially Stable, defined here as “By outward appearances stable unless, you know, things happen. Then we’ll downgrade after the shit hits the fan.”Blue Owl Capital Inc. (Blue Owl, BBB/Stable), through affiliated funds, has created Beignet Investor LLC (Beignet or Issuer), a project finance-style holding company that will own an 80 percent interest in a joint venture (JVCo) with Meta Platforms Inc. (Meta, AA-/Stable). The entity is named “Beignet,” presumably because “Off-Balance-Sheet Leverage Vehicle No. 5” tested poorly with focus groups.Beignet is issuing $27.30 billion of senior secured amortizing notes due May 2049 under a Rule 144A structure.Note proceeds, together with $2.45 billion of deferred equity from Blue Owl funds and $1.16 billion of interest earned on borrowed money held in Treasuries, will fund Beignet’s $23.03 billion contribution to JVCo for the 2.064 GW hyperscale data center campus in Richland Parish, Louisiana, along with reserve accounts, capitalized interest and ...